JV'S KILLER POKER:
EPIGRAMS

BY: John Vorhaus

Some epigrams to focus your thinking on what's important in poker:

MAKE THE LATEST POSSIBLE DECISION BASED ON THE BEST AVAILABLE INFORMATION. Suppose you read your opponent's raise for an A-K and the flop comes little-little-little. If he keeps betting, do you put him on a bluff with overcards, or do you adjust and contemplate the possibility that he's pushing an overpair (or even a set) and was doing so all along? Smart players adjust continually throughout the hand, factoring in all actions, past and present, in order to form a coherent theory, if you will, of their opponents' holdings. The trick is this: Don't get married to your first assumptions. New information leads to new conclusions, and if you insist on clinging to the version of reality that just makes you feel good, you're doomed to lose every penny you have. Analyze... adjust... and above all be honest.

ONLY VICTIMS GET VICTIMIZED. People think it's bad luck when their two pair get pummeled by a higher two pair. But let's be frank: If you're in there with a low two pair in the first place, you're extremely vulnerable, and you should know it. Occasionally - very occasionally - we're victimized by our opponents' superior play. Much more often, we're victimized by our own delusions, or wishful thinking, or loose calls with weak hands, or other victim-like behavior. You want to blame your opponents, but the sad fact is that most of the time you have no one to blame but yourself.

EVERYWHERE YOU GO, YOU ALWAYS TAKE THE WEATHER WITH YOU. A tip of the Killer Poker chapeau to Australian rockers Crowded House for this epigram, which reminds us that, in a certain sense, each of us is responsible for our own good time. If you're in a crappy mood when you come to play poker, you can expect (can't you?) to play crappy poker. If you're lively and energetic, alive in the moment and ready to bring your best game to this hand and every hand, you can expect (can't you?) to do much better. Poker is about math, sure, but it's also about mood. Make sure that yours is conducive to good play; alternatively, don't play.

DON'T POUND YOUR HEAD AGAINST A WALL THAT HAS A DOOR IN IT. Sometimes the simplest solution is the best. If your opponent's raise seems to represent a hand, and you have no reason to believe she's bluffing, by all means credit her for the hand she has and move on! How much punishment do you need to take (especially in poker, where punishment equals poverty)? Sometimes the easy thing, and the sensible thing, is the right thing too.

IF YOU'RE NOT SLOWLY GETTING BETTER, YOU'RE SLOWLY GETTING WORSE. Yesterday's tactics don't work in today's game. If your opponents know what they're doing, they're already hard at work adjusting to your play. If they don't know what they're doing - God love them - you stand to maximize your advantage by constantly improving your own play. Be constantly getting better. Don't let the whole world, or anyway the poker world, pass you by.

IT DOESN'T MATTER WHETHER YOU'RE IN THE FRONT OR THE BACK OF A BUS THAT'S GOING OVER A CLIFF. This cruel epigram reminds us not to delude ourselves. Too often in poker we find reasons for optimism when, frankly, pessimism is the sounder strategy. If you're beaten, you're beaten. Don't allow yourself to believe that a couple of lucky cards and a couple of tricky plays will turn you into a vastly superior opponent against vastly superior opponents. Cut your losses while you still have the chance.

IN THE PRESENCE OF FEAR YOU CAN FEEL NOTHING; IN THE ABSENCE OF FEAR YOU CAN FEEL EVERYTHING. Great players understand this intuitively. As Frank Herbert wrote in Dune, "Fear is the mind killer." If you're afraid to lose, you'll play badly and you will lose. If you're gaily unafraid, on the other hand, you can play your game according to strategy, and not according to fear. Be not afraid, or be not in the game.

A LIE IS NOT A LIE IF THE TRUTH IS NOT EXPECTED. Do not neglect the opportunities to bet when it's clear that the first bet wins. There are frequent situations where people can't call, even if they know you're a lying sack of cheese. This is called "the right of first bluff," and if you don't exercise the right when you have the chance, you're turning your back on free money.

THE OTHER SIDE IS ALWAYS EVIL. In any battle for survival, moral justification is an integral weapon of the war. Morality, in other words, is just the tool that both sides use to validate unspeakable horrors committed in the name of survival. The same is true - though far less extremely played out - in poker. Your enemies seem evil because they're out to get you. But guess what? You seem evil too, because you're out to get them. Never underestimate the strength you enjoy simply by being in opposition. And never imagine that the people you play against are genuinely evil. They may seem that way to you, but then again, you may also seem that way to them.

THE UNIVERSE IS THERE TO SORT YOU OUT. I don't care about your bad beats; you shouldn't either. You should only care about what your bad beats teach you. Do they make you stronger? Do they improve your play and your approach to the game? If they do none of these things, then they're truly bad beats indeed, because beats are inevitable, and it's tragic when the learning they offer is wasted on you.

WE'RE ALL DAMAGED GOODS - WE FIX EACH OTHER THROUGH LOVE. This epigram has nothing to do with poker, but it serves to remind us all that no one gets through life unscathed. The bad news is we're not as healthy as we hope; the good news is we're not nearly as screwed up as we fear. Be good to yourself and be good to the people you love; everything - even your poker game - follows from that.

(John Vorhaus is author of the KILLER POKER series and News Ambassador for UltimateBet.com.)