JV'S KILLER POKER: JUJITSU

BY: John Vorhaus

You know how jujitsu works, don't you? It's the sneaky technique of taking your enemy's strength and using it against him. Back in World War II, our GIs in the Pacific Theater of Operations fretted constantly (or were made to fret through training films) about whether good ol' American bare knuckles brawling would be any match for sneaky techniques like jujitsu – if, that is, the war ever came down to a hand-to-hand clash between our brave khaki warriors and their foes. In the end, of course, it didn't make a damn bit of difference because the sneaky techniques of jujitsu turned out to be, like, no match whatsoever for a couple of bare-knuckle brawlers named Fat Man and Little Boy, and if you don't know what I'm talking about, for heaven's sake go find out. (Though don't bother renting the Paul Newman movie of the same name because take it from me it's a piece of crap. Rent instead David Mamet's House of Games. It too is a piece of crap, but at least you'll learn a little something about the way people think and behave.)

I'll bet you think the theme here is "Use your enemy's strength against him." Wrong. Check it out:

A notorious blind-stealer raises into your blind. You know he's making the right sort of move, attacking blinds as part of his overall commitment to dominating the game. But this time you're sitting with paired pocket paint, lucky you, and you smooth-call, planning to use his strength (aggressiveness) and his other strength (trickiness) against him by trapping him for beaucoup bets on subsequent streets, just as jujitsu masters of old would wait for an opponent's reckless lunge, and then turn that lunge into a swift and sudden fall for the reckless one.

How clever of you. You with your secret pocket paint, you imagine that you're in boss command, especially when the flop comes 9-8-2. You let your enemy lead the betting on the flop and the turn, then raise his raggedy ass on the river when the board bricks out. You flip over your pocket paint with pride, but what's that thing that pride goeth before? Oh yeah, a fall. Because this time it's the trapper who's trapped. Since your opponent is aggressive (his strength) and tricky (his other strength) (the very strengths you had hoped to use against him) it's extremely conceivable that he's in there with something like 9-8 offsuit, and what you thought was your dream flop turns into a nightmare and you, sad sack, go down in crackling flames. How do you feel about your fabulous sneaky jujitsu moves now?

Learn the lesson of history! Remember what happened in the war! Against Fat Man and Little Boy (the names of the Hiroshima and Nagasaki nukes, in case you still haven't looked it up, lazy you) ol' jujitsu never had a chance. That's called playing to your own strength, not your enemy's strength, and it's what you should have been doing all along.

Look, your enemy tried to steal your blind. That's frequently not a mistake, but based on the cards you held, you knew that this time it was. And what do we do to mistakes (said the ghost of the battleship Missouri to the ruins of Nagasaki prefecture)? We punish them. That's right. Punish, punish, punish. Swiftly, thoroughly, with neither mercy nor pause nor remorse.

So then the Final Jeopardy Answer is this: "It's what you do when your enemy gets out of line in raising your blind," and the Final Jeopardy Question is (and please be sure it's in the form of a question): "What is raise his raggedy ass right away?"
Correct! Raise! Now! Immediately! Before the flop! If he makes a mistake, make him pay. I'll repeat that because it's so fundamental to the relentless total war that is Killer Poker: If they make mistakes, you make them pay!

So let's say you do that: You reraise before the flop with your perky paired pocket paint. What happens? You put the burden of decision back on your enemy, that's what. Now he has three choices, two of which are wrong. He can raise, call or fold, and only folding is correct because only folding minimizes the damage already done by the mistake already made. Do you see now? Do you get it yet? If you just call his scum-sucking, blind-stealing raise, you let him get away with his mistake. Not only that, you cede control of the hand after the flop. Not only that, you give him positive reinforcement for attacking your blind. Goodness! Why on earth would you want to do that?

Every hand of poker is a tactical skirmish in a strategic ongoing war. It doesn't matter if you win this hand. It only matters if you win the war. And how do you win the war? By blackmailing or brainwashing or terrorizing or just plain training your enemies to do exactly what you want. When they rise up you must smack them back down. Make them obey! There's only room for one bully at the table ("This Pacific Theater of Operations ain't big enough for the both of us!") and so the bully must be you. If you're not the big gun in the game, the Fat Man and Little Boy of your own little green felt conflagration, then you're wasting your time and your money, and that's a shame.

Use your enemy's strength against him? Nonsense. Use your strength against him. Make him make bad decisions. And if he's already made one, make him make more. Keep the pressure on him and keep the initiative in your hands. Jujitsu may be crafty and sneaky and clever, and maybe even elegant, but when jujitsu goes up against a nuke, the nuke wins every time.

And that's how we play poker.