JV'S KILLER POKER: HOLES

BY: John Vorhaus

Some of the biggest holes in our game have nothing to do with the play of hands. Sure, you can lose money by over-defending your blinds, or bluffing too much or chasing against the odds. But if you really want to lose money, just think about some of the big decisions you make. Perhaps you've fallen victim to one or more of these...

I PLAY WHEN I'M DRUNK, TIRED, ANGRY OR OTHERWISE IMPAIRED. This is certainly a hole in some people's game. It's a devious one too, because you lose perspective just when you need it most. The mind clouded by weariness, anger or alcohol is the mind least likely to say, "Whoa, am I ever clouded by weariness, anger or alcohol. Maybe I should stop playing poker for now."

Plan in advance to quit when you lose your even keel. Don't even leave it open to question. Endow yourself with the iron-clad rule that you'll quit if you find yourself angry or tired. (I assume that you already don't play drunk, but if you do I commend to your attention the wise words of John Fox, who wrote in the immortal Play Poker, Quit Work and Sleep Till Noon, "If you are a very bad player to begin with, drinking probably won't hurt your game too much. For anyone else, one drink is too much, two drinks are ridiculous.") That way you don't run the risk of talking yourself into extending your session when you can plainly see (or would see if you were in any shape to see) that you're in no shape to play your best game.

I BUY IN SHORT. Maybe you're taking a shot at a big game. Maybe you're playing on a super-slim bankroll. Maybe you just don't feel all that confident about your playing skills at the moment, and seek to minimize your risk by minimizing your buy-in. This is about the falsest false economy I can think of. Good players attack short buy-ins like sharks attack surfers. Why would you want to present that sort of target? If you don't have enough money or confidence for an adequate buy-in, don't buy in!

But you've got the itch, right? You came to play poker, and your desire is fully capitalized, even if your bankroll is not. Okay, fine, go ahead and play poker - at a lower limit. Find a game where the money you want to risk is a big enough bankroll for that game. Then, adequately funded, you can start out on the attack and not be defensive. If everything goes your way, you can double through and then move up. And if you lose at that lower limit, well, at least you lost fair and square, and not because you dealt yourself a handicap by buying in short.

I DON'T BUY IN BIG. Sometimes it's not enough to buy just one rack of chips. Maybe it's a juicy game full of bona fide albacore. It's a game you can beat and you know it. But it just so happens that right now everyone at the table is funded to the tune of two or more racks. Even with your superior skill, how will your lonely single rack fare against all that major weaponry? Buying in for your typical amount to a super-rich game is just as bad as buying in short to a typical game. Look around the table. Calculate the average chip holding. If you don't feel comfortable buying in for at least that amount, forget about the game. No matter how juicy you think it is, without adequate ammunition you'll be just another bluefin in the briny.

On a related subject, here's a tip for success in a game that's being newly spread: If everyone else is buying in to a new game for one rack, you buy in for two. This will give you both a material and a psychological advantage over your foes. The material advantage is simply that of more bullets in your gun. The psychological advantage is the message you send: "I'm not afraid of putting my money at risk and I stand to gain by doing so. I declare myself the big stack, so you'd better stay out of my way!" Remember also that you'll automatically look like a winner to any new player who later enters the game.

I REBUY AFTER I RACK OFF. Half an hour ago, you bought in for a rack of chips, and now you've just racked off - bled through those chips - in spectacular fashion. Through bad luck or bad play (or bad play engendered by bad luck) you spun wildly out of control down to the felt. Symptoms of the classic rack-off include calling when you should be raising, calling when you should be folding, chasing, scowling, cursing and just generally hating life.

And then buying in again.

This is a huge hole in the worst players' games. Having come so far and waited so long to play poker, they simply can't stomach the idea of having a "bad sex" session: over too quick and ultimately unsatisfying. Their itch for poker has nowhere near been scratched, but it's clear, based on the empirical evidence of their empty rack, that their game is not up to snuff.

And yet they buy in again.

In a situation that most calls for discipline, discipline is least likely to prevail. Why? Because any time you find yourself a rack behind, especially a quick rack behind, you also find yourself in a certain amount of psychic pain. So then you rebuy, specifically to make that pain go away. Of course you can see the flawed logic of this thinking. When you've racked off, when you've managed to pee away a hundred betting units at whatever limit you're playing, then one of two things must certainly be true. Either A) you're playing badly or B) you're unlucky.

If it's A), if you're just flat-out not playing well, then this is surely no time to go investing more money in a losing cause. It's hard to admit that we're playing badly, of course. And even if we're prepared to admit that we're not playing well, we often delude ourselves into thinking that starting over with a brand new rack will somehow put us back on our game. In any case, remember the pain, the psychic pain that lurks beneath all of our conscious contemplation. Walking away from the table offers no relief from this pain. Reaching for the wallet does. Oh well.

If it's B), if you're just plain unlucky, then there's no reason to believe that a fresh new rack will magically transform your luck. All a fresh rack does is provide a fresh target for your opponents, who notice that you've racked out and are rebuying. They feel your psychic pain - and they aim to make it worse.

Look, everyone racks off from time to time. Things get out of hand... we go nuts... and then we go broke. If you just don't rebuy at times like this, you'll save yourself thousands and thousands of dollars over the life of your game.

And don't listen to the little voice inside your head that says, "But the game's still good. I know I can beat this game." Yes, maybe it is still good, but no you can't beat it - not with your current table image and frame of mind. At the very least get out of the game, walk around, collect yourself, and start fresh in a totally different game. You'll still know that you've just racked off, but at least your opponents will not.